The Thieves of Father Christmas

Description

Brats Against Reasonably priced Toys (B.A.R.T.) are sick of Santa’s presents. They kidnap him under the Christmas tree. Can Sarge and Garda Ryan track down the gang before Christmas Eve? A love of ABBA music proves costly for B.A.R.T. A play written to include a class of 30 children. Unforgettable!

 

SAMPLE LINES FROM THE OPENING SCENES:

The Thieves of Father Christmas

By Willie John Creedon

Character List (in order of appearance):

Narrator

Santa

Sid

Bertha

Trigger

Charlie Bird

Elf

Bill O’Herlihy

Eamon Dunphy

Johnny Giles

Garda Ryan

Sarge

Blister

Grumble

Newsreader

Delivery men

Postman

SWAT Team -Garda Brainy, Garda Eugenius, Garda Smart

Rudolf

Iggy

Trish

Lucy

Tot 1

Tot 2

Tot 3

Cameraman

Dr. Zeuss

 

Narrator:

In the days when Saint Nicholas was just an ordinary, but generous bishop doing those things that bishops enjoy doing, like posing for photos with confirmed children in his home town of Myra, he had absolutely no idea of what lay in store for him in the centuries ahead.

Santa, however had a great future ahead of him, even if it had the jolly old saint busy stuffing smelly socks on one of the coldest nights of the year.

Everyone would have to agree that Santa has been an outstanding success. Kids everywhere love the man. Yes he was a real hit with them … until last year…

Background:

It was the night before Christmas and all ‘round the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even my pet mouse

Me Ma had gone upstairs in her best dressing gown,

She’d bought it that evening in TK Maxx Blanchardstown

All of us had gone to bed at about quarter to twelve,

We were afraid we’d bump into that plump, jolly elf.

Ah! Our stockings we’d all hung by the chimney with care,

In the hopes that auld Santa would still wriggle down there.

I too was in bed, nervously chewing my lip

Whatever about Santa; would me new quad ever fit?

Then up on the roof there was a bleedin’ hell of a racka

Could it be that Santa Claus had learned the Haka?

But I was taking no chances, shoved me head ‘neath the pillow

While Santa was arriving in the sitting room below

 

Santa:

Yech! These chimneys get worse every year. AAchoo!  There’s a month’s work for a sweep in this one. (Wheezes) Soon they’ll be calling me Sooty Claus! HO! HO! Splutter, splutter!

Sid (from the corner of the room)

That sounds like the old geezer now, Bert.

Bertha:

Sit tight now Sid. Don’t move till the jolly old fool is over by the Christmas tree.

Sid:

(To the tune of: Oh Christmas Tree)

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree

Beneath your leaves we’ll nab Santy

He’ll scream and shout but him we’ll gag

And soon we’ll have him in his bag

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree

Beneath your leaves we’ll nab Santy

Oh how they’ll scream, how they’ll moan,

Poor Rudolf left at home alone

His nose no longer will shine red

Santa’s no longer in his sled

Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree

Beneath your leaves we’ll nab Santy

Bertha:

Hush! He might hear us.

Santa:

They might even start calling me Blackbeard! Ho! Ho! Atchoo.

Sid:

He has a great sense of humour, hasn’t he?

Bertha:

He has, the old codger, but we’ll have the last laugh! Now put on your masks, synchronize watches.

Santa: (emerging from fireplace and brushing himself off)

Ho Ho Ho! Now where are those presents? John and Susan; won’t they have fun with these presents I’ve lined up for them this year?

(Gang pounce and pull bag over Santa’s head)

Santa:

Ho, Ho, Ho! I’ve fallen into my bag! Imagine that, it must be all of the mince pies I’ve had! Ho, Ho!

Bertha:

Ho! Ho! Bleedin’ Ho! That’s a laugh! I’ll let you in on a secret; let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. You’ve been kidnapped, you silly elf!

 

 

Trigger:

I’ve been dyin’ to say this all night, Saint Nick, you’re nicked! Isn’t that a laugh? Go on now! Laugh at that now! Ho! Ho! Ho! This joke is on you!

Santa:

Why? What have I ever done? I’ve always been a good sort. Always been ready to fly a rickety old sleigh around the world, endure the worst possible conditions…

Sid:

Ryanair would love ya!

Santa:

And I do it all for children like you! OH! The ingratitude! I do what I do so that children everywhere can enjoy themselves at Christmas!

Bertha:

But that’s just it! You’re no good at the job. In fact, you are a disaster, you stupid …

Santa:

What do you mean? I’m not stupid!

Trigger:

Oh yes you are! Who else visits houses going through chimneys these days? Did you ever hear of a door?

Sid:

Good old Santa has to act the hero. I’m telling you this mate, it’s a good job you never tried comin’ round my house with some mistletoe. Me ma would have flattened ya, if Towser didn’t get ya first!

Trigger:

You always have to do a Rambo on it. You bent our satellite dish when you tried to climb down our chimney last year! You’re pathetic!

Santa:

Is this your way of getting me to retire? Bung me into my own bag! I never stop working for you, kids.

 

……………………..and on it goes!

 

 

With the advent of interactive whiteboards, we decided that the play be published on CD in Microsoft Word forma, so that the script can be projected on the whiteboard during practice. In addition, this CD format enables multiple copies of the script to be easily printed off for the children. Dramatic amendments, embellishments and localisation can be made to the script, should you be so inclined.

 

MUSIC & SONGS: The choice of music is endless. From classical music overtures, to the songs taken from the Disney classics, from pop & rock to the traditional and modern. You only have to select about 7 or 8 graet songs to intertwine with the script and you are ready for curtains up!